I write a lot better in Portuguese. It’s a fact. I have more practice, more “molejo”. Plus, most of my friends and readers read in Portuguese. But Brazil’s a shitshow right now and I really need to:
help my wife pay a downpayment for a new house;
help her pay for the inbuilt sink;
bring my cats to Germany from Brazil.
All of this in Euros. So I guess I really need a wider target audience. And that’s the other thing: I don’t want to be an advertiser anymore. I never wanted to. Actually, I did, a long time ago, when I thought it was the only creative thing people could do. So that’s it. I’m tired of using my talent and my skill to sell other people’s stuff and be miserable. This is me now: selling my own shit. In English.
I still have my old newsletter in Portuguese (almost the same as this one) and am working on a new monthly short story one — this one will be paid. I need to take myself more seriously.
Last year was tough. I worked really hard at a corporate job I actually enjoyed, moved to my mother’s house to save money, broke myself to keep from breaking my family, did a ton of paperwork, sold most things I had, said goodbye to my cats, resigned from the job I loved, and immigrated to a country in which I thought I spoke the language.
And that was the first half of it.
I’m here now. Spreading my ancestral Idishe roots in the country my grandparents fleed from. Poetic, isn’t it? I think so. It’s also a lot.
Immigrating is hard. It took me two or three months to find out how the postal service works. To find out German internet is shit. Shittier than it was in my third-world home country. That Germans love phones. That the water tastes different and gives you diarrhea. That everything is cheap but still doesn’t fit your budget. That German coffee is only good if you add milk. That you can earn a living with minimum wage. That you just might get your dream job. That there are other people who made it and nice ones that can and will help you. That you will actually enjoy the cold.
It’s been hard, but I’ve been busy. I wrote more than I have in a long time. Wrote for myself, wrote in old and new mediums and formats. Joined new writing groups. Signed lots of newsletters I’m actually interested in. Read some good books. Watched TV shows I really enjoyed. Learned to use Twine. Studied a bit of game design. Wrote some games that didn’t make it and others that did. Switched things up. Remembered what I used to like and who I really am.
These are some things I worked on lately:
In November I wrote an essay about a book I hated (in Portuguese).
In December I published an essay about being queer and learning how to ride a bike. I tried to shop it around, but I guess it’s too personal and decided that fuck that.
During the holidays I put out my very first narrative game! It’s about adopting a stay cat and giving it its best life.
And, if you missed it, my first short story in English was published in The Cafe Irreal. I’m really proud of that one.